It's my party (...and i'll cry if I want to)

This will hopefully be my one and only venting blog...like i said, hopefully. I have not done this before, but I feel like I need to once to get this past week all out so I can get out all my frustrations and then move on. So all that to say, if you are wanting to read something light and fluffy, you should probably go ahead and well, stop. I know as a Christian and missionary I should remember the typical phrases like "time heals all", "God has a plan for you", "you need to see the positive side of things", and so on, but like David in Psalms, I think I have every right to talk out my frustrations and grievances, and am able to ask God why things are the way they are. The past year or more I feel like He has continually taken things from me (not in death), whether family, friendships, or ones that I love that have affected me. I always think of that song "Blessed be the name of the Lord. He gives and takes away." It has been one of the hardest years, at the same time, one of the best, seeing where He has placed me in this country with all of these beautiful kids to love on. And that is where I begin...
The electricity in the town I live in has been for the majority of this week turning off. They do this to save money, but it usually happens during the day when we are not home so it is not too bad. Well this week they decided to do it at night too, and let me just say, it is the pits. Like I have already told some of you, no electricity=no fans=sweating=high pitched buzzing mosquitoes biting me during the night=no sleep. I know that sounds extreme, but really I am not exaggerating. The lack of sleep has been giving me migraines in addition. I knew (obviously) that Wednesday was my birthday so I just looked forward to it and knew no matter the circumstances regarding sleep and so on, this day would make the week. Like every Wednesday, I knew I would visit Chichigua with Robin because it is my favorite thing to do (moreso visiting Memo and my lil baby Wilson) so of course I would do my favorite thing on my birthday. It started off great! I woke up to a Happy Birthday sign on the floor with balloons, and then when I was walking to work with Ashley, all of a sudden, Anne, Kim, and Lauren started running after me with silly string and another happy birthday sign. It freaked me out, and I am positive the Dominicans living right there thought we were crazy gringas. After work, Robin and I left for Chigs where I was first greeted by crazy Memo and his huge smile, which I absolutely love. It is one of those smiles that makes you smile right back no matter what mood you are in. He wanted me to hold him so I did, well until he accidently rolled in chicken poo, and then I said no...ew. I am determined to call him chicky poo now :). Anyways, I am playing with Memo while Robin is talking to the mom of one of our students, meanwhile I am so antsy to go visit Wilson and love on him obnoxiously. As I am thinking this, Robin looks at me and says, "Kendall I have something not good to tell you." I reply with "What? Is Wilson not coming back to school?" "Worse." "He moved." "Yes...to Haiti." Crushed. For those of you who keep up with my blog, you know that Wilson whom I call Weeson was one of my students who I wanted to take home with me everyday. He is one of the most precious boys I know and would hug me everyday before he left to go home (seen in the first picture of this blog). I cried a lot that night, yes I know, on my birthday, and have on and off since (hence the title...I actually said that to Anne when I got to the Makarios house for my birthday dinner haha). The lack of sleep this week and then Wilson leaving have been a bad combo for me physically, mentally, and emotionally. One of my Dominican friends came over this morning, and he asked me if I was sick haha awesome. You know you look wonderful when someone asks you that. But back to Wilson, I feel like I invested so much emotion into that child, and he was just taken from me. I pray every night that the Lord would place a man of God in Wilson's life that would lead him to love Jesus, and I pray that the Lord planted a seed in him by the love the Lord gave me for him. I am confused as to why now, but I know the Lord is teaching me. To end on a positive note, I randomly went to Chichigua last week and held him the whole time like I mentioned in my last blog, and as you probably saw from my two pictures in the blog. To see him one last time when I could have stayed home that day and waited till this Wednesday makes me want to thank the Lord every time I think of Wilson. When I left Chigs that day I remember holding him, telling him goodbye, kissing him on the cheek, and him giving me a kiss back on my cheek. I set him down, not realizing that was the last time I would ever see him. Adios Weeson...love you soooo much and will painfully miss you.
Depressing blog, I know, but thankfully I have Jesus who still loves me despite my frustrations, big and small, and continues to show me grace. I know for a fact that He will answer the questions I have, He will continue to reveal himself and his character in new ways this year, and will continue to heal my heart from this whirlwind of a past year.